The grass may be greener but is it a good choice?

Those of you who have read the page called “About” on here may know that among other things, I also happen to have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder.   I recently went through a phase where I pretty much felt sorry for myself and wanted to move elsewhere because the grass looked greener there then it does here.  As someone I bounced the idea of relocating off of pointed out, that something I really don’t want to go into detail about but to put it mildly it was a horrendous and life threatening situatuion that occurred someplace in the area I was considering moving to.  Because of having DID, much of my past is fragmented and often there are huge gaps in what I know about myself and what I don’t have a clue about in regards to my past.  The event that I mentioned above is one of those things that was in one such gap.  If it hadn’t been for one of my other personalities showing me what they had experienced, but had been keeping from me, I would have dove head first into the idea of moving to that location.  You see having DID is much like a alancing act, I have to balance not only my neeeds, but the needs of the other personalities and to be honest everything got out of kilter and I had started to neglect the needs of the other personalities.  So while the grass seemed like it was much greener for a lot of reasons that my sounding board agreed were valid reasons, I decided that looks can be deceiving and just because the grass looks greener doesn’t mean it’s the right choice for me to make.  So, for now I am going to stay put and work on finding ways to improve my situation without moving to the place I had thought would be idea but in reality may not be.

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“Walker reveals struggles with mental disorder in just-released book”

   Before you read this, I wanted to let you know that I do realize this isn’t specific to Pennsylvania, but for me it’s rather personal in that I happen to have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), and I found it inspiring to know that someone was a successful athlete and in many ways a public figure yet they had DID, and still succeeded.  I’m not much of a football fan, but as I said I found this article to be inspiring, and hope that others will read this article with the understanding that having DID is very challenging, and some have said is comparable in regards to degree of seriousness to Schizophrenina, yet unlike Schizophrenia, DID is also has a high degree of success when it comes to treatment and the ability of people to overcome it.  I still have a lot of struggles with DID, but with each passing day I gain better control over my illness and am reaching beyond the limitations I experience.  So I hope that even those who don’t have DID can appreciate the fact that Walker was able to be a success despite having a serious mental illness which I think should be encouraging to anyone no matter what kind of struggles or mental illness they may have.

Walker reveals struggles with mental disorder in

just-released book

In a “Nightline” interview that will air Monday on ABC, the 46-year-old Walker said he has been in treatment for eight years and believes the disorder is under control, adding that writing the book was therapeutic for him.

“I’ve totally changed from back then to where I am today,” he said. Details of the interview appear in a story on It is not clear at what point in his life Walker believes he had the disorder.

Following a Heisman Trophy-winning career at the University of Georgia, Walker spent three seasons in the USFL and then played 12 years in the NFL with the Minnesota Vikings, Dallas Cowboys and New York Giants. He also was a member of the 1992 U.S. Olympic bobsled team, with an array of other interests that included ballet and law enforcement.

After his retirement from football in 1997, Walker said the disorder began to overwhelm him. At one point, while sitting in his kitchen, he said he played Russian roulette with a loaded pistol.

“To challenge death like I was doing, you start saying, there’s a problem here,” Walker told ABC News correspondent Bob Woodruff.

DID, formerly known as multiple personality disorder, is described as a relatively rare mental condition where a person has two or more distinct personalities. The disorder has been dismissed by some in the medical field.

“Nightline” interviewed Walker’s therapist, Jerry Mungadze, who said he met Walker’s alternate personalities, or “alters,” during their sessions.

“They will come out and say, I am so-and-so. I’m here to tell you Herschel is not doing too good,” Mungadze said. ” … When he finishes, it would just disappear back in him, and Herschel comes out.”

Walker and his ex-wife, Cindy Grossman, were married for 16 years before she knew about his illness, she said.

“Well, now it makes perfect sense, because each personality has a different interest,” Grossman told “Nightline.” “This one has an interest in ballet, this one has an interest in the Marines, this one had an interest [in the] FBI, this one had an interest in sports.

“There was also a very sweet, lovable [personality]. That’s the one he told me I married. He told me I didn’t marry Herschel,” said Grossman, who later in the interview recalled a conversation with Walker, “and the next thing I knew, he just kind of raged and he got a gun and put it to my temple.”

When the topic of the book was revealed in January, Walker’s father — as well as a former teammate and Vince Dooley, Walker’s coach at Georgia — met the revelation with shock.

“I know him better than anybody ’cause I raised him,” Willis Walker Sr. told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution at the time. “This is my first knowing about that.”

Walker said he hoped “Breaking Free” will help change the public’s image of DID and help others afflicted with the disorder.

“DID is not ‘Sybil’ or ‘Three Faces of Eve.’ DID is just an illness that people are dealing with,” he said. In the book, he wrote, “I feel the greatest achievement of my life will be to tell the world my truth.”